NEQUE, ME UT MIRETUR TURBA LABORO: CONTENTUS PAUCIS LECTORIBUS
MY ADVENTURES
South East Asia 2024
Abu Dhabi 2024
(with a touch of the sardonic)
SINGAPAOR -BATAM-JAKARTA - LOMBOK - GILI AIR - BALI- KOMODO - VIETNAM - CAMBODIA
December 2023 to January 2024
I had a very early flight so i decided on one of the Heathrow hotels which are actually connected to the airport. I chose the Premier Inn at Terminal 4. All the hotels are signposted from main arrivals at Terminal 4. What’s a bit odd is the route to get there. The signs send you down an industrial overhead bridge. Like the kind you would expect in a steelworks factory. It’s metal and covered with cladding and freezing cold in December and inhospitable.
Just why there isn't a gold travellator that seamlessly glides you to your hotel as you gaze at murals of Botticelli and are serenaded by Mozart?
All of these various hotels are tapped off this bridge so you keep walking following the sign for yours, Premier Inn was a good 10 minutes walk. This route is ugly. Heathrow is one of the busiest airports in the world and this is the environmental impression the authorities want to give. Once again it’s the lazy tight British mentality for public works.
C'mon guys, you can do better than this rotten thing!
The hotel room was small but modern and clean and £72 a night. And despite me holding my hanky to my nose as i walked the land bridge the next day it did remove the stress of getting to the terminal.
Singapore airport is the most relaxed airport i have ever visited. There wasn’t even manned immigration, just a self-service scan your passport. You need to fill out an SG Arrival card in advance at www.ica.gov.sg and thus your registered on the system. One official was leaning at the corner yawning. I got a taxi to my hotel the Mercure Singapore Tyrwhitt, one night £101. all.accor.com.
The rooms are modern and clean but a bit on the small side. The selling point is the cool rooftop pool. It just so happened that the Czech ladies handball team (whatever sport that is) were staying at the same time while they competed in some competition. The very fit team all came up to the rooftop pool and started a workout class, i thought i better leave. The other views are nothing special.
The staff were very pleasant so it was an enjoyable albeit overpriced one night stay. So i went exploring Singapore. This hotel is a 15 to 20 minute walk from the famous old town Kampong Glam and Metro stations.
The old town of Singapore is charming.
My main itch was to see the Gardens by the Bay. Everywhere in Singapore is easily accessible by the very efficient Metro system. At the ticket booth i paid for the Treetop walk and the CloudForest and FlowerDome, the ticket was £39. This whole area is a Unesco World Heritage Site.
This whole sculpted garden is gorgeous. It’s a work of art. Just follow the signs to navigate around and you come to the entrance for the Tree Top walk. It’s fun and has great views. I believe there are light shows in the evening so it’s worth returning for this. The whole Garden is free to roam around but you can pay for a few special attractions.
My next stop was the Flower Dome which is the world's largest glass greenhouse. The greenhouse is split up into zones which correspond to the regions of the earth, Australasia, Europe etc and in these zones the unique Flora and Fauna of these regions. It’s immaculately sculpted. It’s fantastically fascinating.
The other glass dome is the Cloud Forest. The authorities have done something very whimsical here. They have created the Cloud Forest as the planet Pandora from the Avatar movie. So you have sculptures of all the beasts and some move. It’s fun. The Cloud Forest has a hanging garden with waterfalls. You can walk to the top via the internal path or use the lift. You do feel as if you're exploring a new world, well, except for all the other tourists.
I love Singapore! Why? Because it’s civilised. I saw no angry people on the street, no road rage, no drunks, no druggies roaming around. It has law and order and people respect the system. It feels calm and safe.
What is it about these Asian cities like Dubai and Singapore that are such a contrast to British and American cities?
Singapore, we invoke R2P, right to protect - Please come to London and get to caning and bring some law and order to save us
I got the 1 hour ferry to Batam, £25, and then a flight to Jakarta. I stayed with a friend in Jakarta and they thought it would be funny to take the green westerner to go EAT SNAKE!
So we went to the Pasar Lama night market at Tangerang. I could only eat a bit. It didn't help that they were slaughtering and skinning the poor things right next to where you were eating. Add to that the pervasive smell of fried oil, the petrol fumes of passing vehicles and the chaotic noise, i lost my appetite. I couldn't eat anything until mid-afternoon the next day. But hey, it's a unique experience and it's why we travel abroad.
Gilli Air January 2024
I took a direct flight from Jakarta to Lombok. I arrived at the nondescript Lombok airport. Any banality was soon dispelled as i exited into the public arrivals hall. I was confronted by, no exaggeration, well over 100 men all loudly jockeying for attention. They were shouting and calling and pushing. In my scottish parlance i thought ‘it’s a rammy’ but no, no fighting, just capitalism.
I was forewarned to use apps like Gojek to avoid gouging by local taxi drivers. These apps at least give you a fixed rate so no chance of being stung at the end of the journey. The pickup spot for a taxi booked through the app was through this rabble at the designated Gojek spot.
The moment one enters this rabble you are assailed with pushy offers of a taxi or a tourist experience, predominantly a taxi. The men stand right in your way blocking your path. They thrust price lists into your hand (which are falsely low to get you onboard then inevitably inflated) and get right into your personal space. I mean almost eyeball to eyeball and forcefully ask ‘where are you going, hotel, taxi etc’ Unfortunately a polite refusal is never enough, so sadly one must raise your voice and firmly tell them ‘NO thank you’ Ignoring them sometimes works but having a man stand behind you and ask 20 times ‘mister, where you going’ gets rather tiring.
I ordered a Gojek taxi to Bangsal port which was 270,000, i believe i had a discount voucher on the app. Usually it will be close to 300,000 (£15). This is good value as the journey is about 1hr 20 minutes. The first 40 minutes is on normal well paved road. But then the road essentially takes you over a mountain. Not directly over Mount Rinjan but one of the peaks on the ridge. This is a thrilling drive. Very windy. The road is in good condition.
The taxi driver is wont to overtake the many slow trucks on blind corners, so a few clear ‘!don’t! relax, wait!’ commands doesn’t go amiss. The approach to Bangsal port is a long straight road, perhaps a mile long. You're heading for the jetty at the end of the road. As soon as you exit the taxi you are confronted with pushy touts advertising boat tours. There is a ticket booth straight ahead, i'm not sure where the destination is is for tickets bought here, Gili Trawangan perhaps. I actually don’t know as i went straight for the public boat that local people use.
When facing the pier turn right and walk down a short street where you can find the little booth to buy your ticket. On this little stretch on your right side are food stalls and on your left ferry companies selling tickets to all the islands on their non-maintained death trap ships. Potentially a wooden coffin with a motor.
There are numerous stories of waves bashing holes in the boat and water flooding into the cabins and parts of the boats breaking off. A simple google search of ‘Indonesian ferry deaths sinking’ or any similar derivation will reveal at least 1 or 2 boats sinking per year with dozens of fatalities. My advice is it's preferable to fly!
Just use the ferries for short journeys between islands and not transfers on open ocean.
At the end of the short street you see the beach with a simple wooden boat that’s tethered and waiting to set off for Gili Air. On your right is the kiosk to buy the ticket 18,000 (90p). You have to wait until the boat gets 30+ passengers. I arrived about 1 pm and i only had to wait 20 minutes, i believe a short wait is normal. This is the common transport for local people who transit between Lombok and Gili Air. The ferry stops running around 4:30 pm.
The ferry docks on the beach so you get your feet wet but literally only up to the ankle, it’s not like disembarking the landing craft on Normandy beach. So wear sandals. There are porters who for a fee can help you with your luggage. They just hang around, looking, waiting, stalking… for luggage. He accepted 2000.
The calm sea meant the 20 minute journey was bearable. The ferry landed and i jumped onto the beach and stepped onto the road. Gili Air is a small island. I opted to walk the 15 minutes to my hotel, the Bibi Beach Village, using google maps to navigate.
The only transport on this island is by horse and cart so you can just flag them down. They see the tourists coming and charge at least 150-200,000 (£8-10).
What first struck me is how reasonably modern the island is. Modern restaurants, ATM’s etc. Yet it still retains somewhat of a rustic charm. You don’t feel you’ve dropped off the edge of the world (like i once felt on an island in Thailand once) but still with a significant reduction in the industrial society so as to be genuinely refreshing.
As i looked around i saw how many bule there were, they seemed to outnumber the locals. It’s always interesting to interact with bule, especially European ones after spending a long time with Indonesians. You get used to the smiles and curious personal interest of the Indonesians only to now be confronted with the cold blank dead staring visage of the ‘sophisticated’ Westerners. So many tall hench European women with two rucksacks and chunky calves. Is there excessive growth hormone in the European diet, it’s worth investigating. Not a smile of acknowledgement in sight.
Perhaps they are displaying the gorged fatigue of multi-country travellers.
Their turgid wanderings are a tedious exercise of bucket list ticking, selfie accumulating, world heritage site ad infinitum.
In the pursuit of a list they become desensitised to the beauty and the experience. You eat at Michelin restaurants every day and after a while you’ll crave simple kale and boiled potatoes, well, unless you're Oprah. Well, the main thing is as long as everyone is jealous on Facebook, it doesn't matter that i feel nothing. They all seem completely introvertedly self-contained. A near complete lack of interest in anyone else around them, how sad! I try to savour the experiences and appreciate the moment in a joyous way rather than becoming like a glum dehumanised spectre plodding through each insta location.
The friendliest man i met was an American, no surprise.
Here we have clear evidence of the results of the extreme individualism of European/Western society. I observed many people were travelling on their own and had no interest in anyone around them.
I arrived at my hotel Biba Beach Village, booked from www.booking.com and it was precisely what i wanted, a beach hut.. on the beach, well within 25 yards or so. The scenery is gorgeous and the staff were so pleasant. It was £106 for 3 nights.
I picked this hotel specifically because it’s right at Turtle Point. With my trusty cheap snorkel bought from a kiosk in Turkey i set out on the first day right in front of the hotel at ‘Turtle Point’. And boom, within 10 minutes there he was, or she, i’m not sure, it felt rude to ask. A large … turtle.
I was seized with an electric thrill to my core. I followed him as he floated around, at one point I even stroked his head and fins. He was totally comfortable with me being there and quite unconcerned. I wanted, somehow, to have a connection with him, a spiritual commune. I wanted to transmit my benevolent desires and wish that somehow he would turn around and look me in the eye and understand i was there and we could emotionally connect. I wanted him to know the joy he had brought me. Instead he just floated along dipping in and out of the reef to eat, i suppose we all dislike being distracted during lunch.
What a wonderfully emotive experience !!
I was also mesmerised by significant and robust coral reef. The sheer variety of colours, shapes and textures is beautifully fascinating.
The next day i went out and serendipitously met 2 turtles, a smaller one, maybe only 50 years old in addition to a larger one, perhaps my friend from the day before, i wasn’t sure, i was never good with faces.
I got badly sunburned on the second day. I somehow never noticed how hot the sun was on my back and naively thought i was mostly submerged. The sun started behind some clouds but came out in full force as i was chasing the turtles and i suffered for my lack of attention, but this is the story of my life.
The rest of the 4 days was spent pottering around, recovering, napping and trying the watered-down drinks at the beach bars at happy hour.
Leaving Gili Air i opted for a BlueWater Express ferry, because all the flights from Lombok to Bali were booked, www.bluewater-express.com. All the write-ups on internet reviews are mostly favourable. They have a good reputation.
There are kiosks everywhere selling ferry rides to all the islands including Bali. The problem is that many of these sellers are selling it 2nd or 3rd hand. It's far better to book direct with a reputable company. So i booked my ticket on their easily navigable website. I simply don’t trust a skinny boy sitting in a bamboo shack selling me a very cheap ticket for a ferry across the open ocean but the naïve puts faith in every word.
The communication from the company was excellent. After receiving my email with my ticket i also received a whatsapp telling me precisely where to go to book in for the ferry. The booking info says using the ferry is akin to a flight. One must arrive an hour before and book in at the office by the pier. This directive is of course bunk as the ferry is invariably late and even if you rocked up 10 minutes before it’s not like the airport and your forbidden entry.(They claim it’s like the airport but really it’s not) The office is a shack with the typical skinny local boy sitting scratching himself. The ticket was £40
The ferry was about 30 minutes late so i was relieved after reading many experiences of long delays and missed journeys. The journey takes around 3 hours with a stop at Bangsal then Padang Bai on Bali then finally Serangan. I was impressed with the professionalism of the crew. It seemed very well run. The ferry is large and sturdy. The journey was as pleasant as could be expected. We didn’t have a choppy sea so it was reasonably calm. I really can’t complain. It’s the least comfortable way to travel but by far the most convenient way to travel between close islands.
KOMODO: I booked a return flight from Bali Denpasar. I spent only 2 nights in Bali, one each before the flights out. I have nothing to say about overrated Denpasar. That's it!!.
As i disembarked the plane i immediately noticed Komodo airport is new and quite smart. The décor and set up is swish, they even have large Dragon sculptures suspended from the ceiling in a modern art style.
Here’s an experience at this airport that illustrates Indonesia at it’s best. Before i collected my suitcase i was compelled to attend the little boys room to get a weight of my mind. I lingered for some time in the throes. When i came out 3 female airport staff were sitting on the conveyor with my suitcase on the floor and they all simultaneously said ‘Mr Matthew’ i replied in the affirmative and we all had a laugh. They were very sweet and helpful, sitting waiting to help me. This level of personal attention and kindness in my experience is nearly unique on this planet. Can you imagine Heathrow where some de-humanised part canine employee would grunt your suitcase is in lost and found and it’s ‘not my problem’.
My airbnb host picked me up at the airport which saved a headache. It was £121 for 4 nights. Komodo is pricey, this was a good deal. Grab/Taxi cars aren’t allowed to run to many parts of the town, only motorbike taxi’s, and try travelling with suitcases on a motorbike. I did it once, it’s quite frightening. As for local taxi’s i’m not sure if they run all over as i never gave them the satisfaction to gouge me. I’d rather walk in 35 degrees and feel smug in my contrary defiance. Grab does work in some parts of Labuan.
The night before the day trip i connected with a friend and we went for a seafood meal on the harbour front. There are rows of shacks with seating behind them. They essentially have the same menu and offerings for approximately the same price. I guess what sways it is how nice and inviting the owners are. We picked one and picked a selection of barbeque prawns, baked fish etc. The fish is freshly caught and cooked on a hot grill outside. The fish is absolutely delicious and sitting on the wooden benches with the lovely ambience on the harbour front.
Labuan Bajo town centre is full of scores of Komodo island tours. It’s totally confusing, who do you use? Google searches are near useless as you're seeing the operators who can promote themselves best like ghastly Get your Guide and Viator corporate garbage. Rarely the best value! I was fortunate to have a fixer who is in contact with many boat owners and can get good deals.
Feliks take a bow, +62 813 57484123
So Komodo island tour, let’s break it down. First of all there are broadly 3 main options. 1: Slow boat 1 day 2: Fast boat 1 day, 3: Multiple days sleep on the boat.
I plumped for the slow day boat which was 650,000 (£32) and this included an adequate chicken or fish lunch and unlimited water. The crew seemed quite competent and our guide was very nice and engaging. We assembled at the harbour front for 6am (my contact picked me up on his motorbike) Incidentally the meeting point at the benches is right by where we enjoyed the outstanding seafood meal the night before. Hat and Sunscreen is essential for this day.
On top of the boat fee you need to pay 300,000 (£15) to your guide and this covers everything else including the entry fee for Padang and Komodo National Park. I’ve seen all sorts of varying additional fees on various tour websites so this amount was by far the lowest.
We set off on the journey and the sailing was ok. The boat isn’t that slow and even when out on sections of open ocean between islands there wasn't too much chop.
As we were travelling we saw the fast boat zip past. Its prow is sitting at about a 20-degree angle out of the water as it cuts through and the noise is loud even from our distance. Quick yes but my it looks uncomfortable. The slow boat is chill and provides time to chat and reflect.
During our 2 1/2 hr journey to Padang, our first island, our jolly tour guide explained something of the Komodo dragons behaviour. The dragon lives as a solitary animal. The female lays the eggs and then abandons them in the nest. As the baby dragon is hatching the dragon mother and father are waiting outside to eat the baby, yes, they are cannibals. The newborn has instinctive wisdom that he knows he’s in danger from predators outside so he will wait in the nest until the coast is clear. Then he bolts the nest and immediately climbs the nearest tree. They have been designed to survive. He instinctively knows what to do. The baby dragon lives the first 3 years among the trees eating bugs etc to survive until he’s big enough to avoid being eaten by pops.
If this didn’t put you off this beast then google Komodo eating live animals whole but please do so on an empty stomach. It’s like some sort of nature snuff movie, absolutely the stuff of nightmares. This is a ghastly creature with what i can see few redeeming qualities. However it looks very cool. It’s like a holdover from the Jurassic era, with a cold heart of stone. Perhaps that’s part of its authentically wild charm. Komodo is a badass!!
Our first stop was Padar Island. As you disembark you pass the ubiquitous hawkers and start the ascent. There is a staircase to the summit viewpoint. It’s a pleasant yomp to the top which takes about 25 minutes.
The breathtaking view is genuinely one of the most beautiful viewpoints i have ever seen. This land bridge between two turquoise bays is a famous social media shot. And the jagged inlets shooting out into the sea like green gnarly fingers. It’s exotic and stunning.
So back to the boat and a short sail to the Pink beach. There are several of these pink beaches. The pink colouring is caused by the decay of the many coral reefs. So let’s clear something up. When you google 'Pink Beaches Indonesia' you get many pictures of this bright dayglow pink beach, as if one has landed on Venus. A beach the colour of Liberace’s underpants and just as salty! Lets be clear, these pictures are FAKE filters and photoshop. Here is the real Pink Beach.
Our boat went to one of the best spots where the water was the clearest. We had a wonderful snorkel amongst the coral reef and the tropical fish. Our guide pointed out that when the tide goes out you see a bit more pink but not dramatically more. The common insta shots are filter tarted up. Therefore i was initially disappointed when we arrived. Where is the Cadillac pink beach i was expecting, yeah…
Later we sailed close past another pink beach and this confirmed it was more the colour of, how can i say.. sand, with a modest pink hue. Nature doesn’t disappoint but kardashian filler lip-esque social media illusions always do.
As we approached Komodo Island the foreboding weather system gave it a menacing appearance. I had vibes of the Island of Dr Moreau.
As we land we are captured by tribe of half human half Komodo hybrid monsters led by a mad Austrian scientist. We have to devise a bold and cunning plan to escape. Only the rugged Scotsman and cute busty Italian girl survive (sadly her boyfriend get's eaten, but she gets over it quick) Cue James Bond ending... you don't need me to elaborate.
Alas… all of this tingling fantasy didn’t come to pass and i was a bit underwhelmed by the whole experience.
When you arrive you dock at the long pier. Then walk along this pier toward the entrance to the national park which is displayed by a large dirty decaying sign right on the beach. There is a row of shabby shacks selling the ubiquitous crummy food. We were ushered to meet our guide by a notice board. They explained a few safety rules which i’ve forgotten but it's along the lines of don’t try to hug & kiss the komodo etc usual boilerplate. They also explained the walking trail would be about 30 minutes.
On the beach we saw 2 small Komodo who were quite entertaining as they wanderer around making a nuisance among the shack restaurants. Then we came to huge Komodo sleeping under a tree who they estimate is about 30 years old, they can live to 50-60 yrs old. We all got the standard shot which by camera trickery looks like you're touching him.
As we started on the trail we passed a house and sleeping in the open air basement was another huge bull of a Komodo. There is an air of menace around the big ones.
We followed our guide for around 20 minutes on this trail which is nothing more than a short semi-circle by the beach.
The tour conveniently ends right at the heart of the hawkers who like a nest of disturbed bees burst into life with great energy at the appearance of a tourist and enthusiastically try to sell you their junk. You are assailed for carvings, shawls, tourist knick knacks, bric-a-brac, water, noodles etc etc. It’s a far too common ‘guard of dishonour’ you encounter at tourist spots.
So essentially Komodo National Park is a moderate disappointment. There is no air conditioned visitor centre, no interactive experience, and no guarantee you’ll even see the damn things, many don’t. Frankly there’s no investment or infrastructure whatsoever. Its multiple dirty run down shacks hawking garbage in front of a notice board. It’s a dump. Your led round this dusty track and the guides know there is near zero chance of seeing anything. All you have is thems ‘house Komodo’ who sleeps near the stalls and eats whatever leftovers get tossed his way, a kind of tamed slob. I believe all tour groups get the same short changed experience.
So here’s the rub. It doesn’t matter if you pay the VIP promise of carried on gilded ermine wings of angels or my cheapest possible tour fee you are at the mercy of the national park guides who lazily just wander round this little path and back. Apparently there is a longer hike but we were told ‘no time’. My only caveat to this is if you go on a fast boat and perhaps pay for some enhanced experience do you get a longer wander? I sincerely don’t know. It would seem from the other experiences i’ve read on blogs and reviews that usually everyone gets the same naff treatment.
Don't get me wrong, i was happy to have seen them in the flesh. It is a cool experience. I'm just glad i paid for the cheapest simplest version as anything more would've been a rip off.
HANOI & HA LONG BAY In the airport i looked into getting a local sim card. However the cheapest was $10 and that was only for internet. I declined and i found over my 5 days in Vietnam i never suffered for lack of local data as there is plenty of wifi. But some weak people can’t cope without instant continuous connectivity.
As i arrived at 9:30pm i booked a hotel near the airport through booking.com. The owner offered to pick me up for 100,000 (£3) which i gratefully accepted. He informed me to meet outside the airport entrance at Pillar 26. As you exit the airport there are are rows of pillars, and you guessed it with numbers on them. So you stand like a lemon while so many cars and reps zip through and your frequently asked ‘tom’ ‘mohammed’ as they hold up a whatsapp picture or a booking page. Everyone has masks (they love masks in Vietnam) and so it’s almost sheer luck to find the right guy.
Eventually i connected with him. What’s that i hear you say, why didn’t i get a local sim in my spare phone and call the guy. Well smarty pants backpacker my spare phone had an Indonesian sim in it and i hate being gouged, so there. The hotel i had for the night was budget adequate, one of the many cheap ones near the airport.
The most thrilling part was that breakfast was a banh mi. My first time trying the famous Vietnamese baguette. I guess they didn’t kick everything French out. This one had egg and vegetables and coriander and sauce. It was absolutely delicious. I went on a quest to try as many banh mi as possible. A big bunch of Coriander seems to be the ubiquitous ingredient and this adds a unique flavour.
I was undecided whether i wanted to do a Ha Long Bay tour. I had booked a hotel in Ha Long town and had a notion to roam around and try to find a local fishing boat or find some different angle to explore the Bay from the commercial tours.
You may be getting the vibe from me i don’t like to march in step. I abhor the structured clichés of the box ticking tourists.
Am i just as much of a part of the plague? As i usually always meet up with local contacts and go to peoples homes and interact in an authentic way i think no. Plus i rarely follow the recommended google and travel blog conventions. I might do the same experience but i often approach it in a novel way. ‘Pick me up from the hotel, no, i’ll hike over the hill and meet you at the harbour’ type thing.
I decided to take the cheap local bus from Hanoi to Ha Long. The cheap local bus that local people use (this bus is for local people) Don't plan on a strict timetable, this is Vietnam. In the morning i got a Grab taxi from my hotel right next to the airport to My Dinh bus station for 211,000 (£6.70). I entered the station and went to the counter. I had a screenshot of the necessary phrase ‘ticket to Ha Long please’ The girl didn’t attempt to sell me anything. A scruffy guy appeared behind grabbed my case and said ‘we go’ and the girl waved me to accompany him. I confirmed the price, 200,000 (£6.50) We went to a 16 seat minibus and after waiting for 10 minutes we departed half full aaaaand this was where the fun began.
The whole journey took 3 hours and it’s not an exaggeration to say they stopped about 30 times. What I discovered is that this minibus is a type of informal hop on hop off. People stand on the side of the road and look for a lift. There were 2 guys running it, the driver and his mate. This mate sat at the front passenger seat and would hang out the window and when he saw see someone loitering he'd proceed to howl at them like a monkey. If they blinked the van would screech to a halt in a very unpleasant way the side door would slide open and the sidekick would leap out and would attempt to semi kidnap the poor person, even grabbing their arm and trying to drag them into the van. This whole chaos yielded in total only 4 extra passengers who travelled a portion of the journey with us. If that wasn’t bad enough in between these stops the driving was DANGEROUS, ABYSMAL, ATROCIOUS. The moron would wildly weave in and out of traffic, cut up every other vehicle and frequently near miss cyclists. It became a tedious journey. However i felt comforted by the cheap cost. As i’d put my life on the line i hoped i’d survive to make good use of the money i’d saved.
When we arrived at Bai Chay bus station the idiots didn’t even drop us off at the station but at the side of the motorway on the side of the road opposite the bus station. I disembarked after giving the fool driving a strong tongue lashing. I was fortunate that at the same time a very nice Filipino boy was also dropped off and he hotspot his wifi to me and i ordered a grab.
My hotel was the Ramada Wyndham on the Eastern part of the town just over the Cau Bai Chay bridge. The suite was gorgeous and part of the appeal of this particular hotel was the infinity pool. It turns out they close it for most of the winter simply because they don't have many guests and they can't be bothered employing the staff to monitor it.
On Saturday i tried again a big Google search for local tours, fishing boats etc. My searches yielded no information for any kind of local cheap boats. It’s clear google prioritises the stinking corporate tours as when you scroll you simply get the same Viator, Get your Guide tripe repeated.
I am usually fortunate to know a local ‘guy’ who can cut through the corporate effluent and find a reasonably authentic experience, but alas, i had no contacts in Vietnam. I think the authorities have shut down any local simple tours.
It's fully Corporate baby!
Fortuitously i stumbled across a tour, www.vietnamopentour.com.vn
They offered a one day tour, 12 - 6pm, with Kayaking and Cave visit and lunch for the reasonable price of $43, £33. As i was booking on Saturday night for Sunday tour i clenched and took the risk and booked. The communication was all by whatsapp, no email, but was very clear and communicative.
The next day I met the group at Tuan Chau Port. The travel group had all come from Hanoi that morning. I told the guide I'm the bald guy standing in orange shorts and a green jacket and surprisingly he spotted me immediately. Grab from the Ramada to the Port is about 150-200,000 (£6) depending on the time booked.
The boat was sturdy and reasonably modern. The dining room was pleasantly furnished. As we set off we were first served lunch. I couldn’t believe how nice it was. They served around 8 dishes to each table of 6 people. Chicken and vegetables, whole shrimp, whole grilled fish. The food was prepared to a good standard and was delicious. I was quite impressed considering the modest price of the whole tour.
Sailing through the emerald waters of the bay is wonderful and to gaze at these towering limestone edifices rising proudly from the sea.
After an hours sailing we arrived at the kayak spot. This was the spot of the famous pictures i’d seen and what i really wanted to try. We put on the lifejacket and hopped onto the kayak. The boat moors next to a rock arch tunnel where you can take a small boat or kayak through the rock tunnel, this is very cool. As you go through the short tunnel you enter into a small enclosed lake. It’s clear the tour boats have chosen this location so no-one accidentally or deliberately goes kayaking off into the sunset.
There are 2 more stops in the tour. We sailed for 10 minutes to Ti Top mountain. There you can hike a narrow rock cut stairway to the top and get the best vista of the bay. I was captivated by the many eagles which soar overhead.
The final stop is to the Sung Sot cave. Again this impressed me more than i expected. I’m not into caves. It’s not my idea of fun. Suffocation and claustrophobia are not topping my list of thrill activities but whatever floats your boat. But this cave was like a natural rock cathedral.
There is a separated path you take to walk round the space. With all the spotlights and roped off areas it reminded me of a movie scene where excavators have discovered some alien artefact. After this it’s an hours sail back to port. I was blown away by how good the whole experience it was.
Among our group we made friends with some fun Americans and Aussies and ended up enjoying beers and whiskies together. I think the company makes as much money on the drinks as the tour but i didn’t grudge them it. It was a happy blessed day.
I stayed in Ha Long bay for 3 days, this was too long! There is a lot to be said for staying in Hanoi and using the free transport to and from Ha Long for the day tour (there’s that standard tourist experience paying off). I was saved by the fact that my hotel room was an entire suite for £81 from www.booking.com, the size of an apartment and was only 4 years old so had a new modern feel. It was the nicest hotel room i have ever stayed in.
There are of course similar places in the world but not closely resembling that whole bay area with the countless limestone cliffs covered with trees. Ha Long bay is worth a special trip, it’s a really genuinely unique creation on this planet. My advice, just go for 1 day and don’t stay in Ha Long town.
Another shout out to Vietnam open tours. Because i didn’t use the transport to and from Hanoi like all the other patrons they gave me a free ride back to Hanoi the next day which they offered unsolicited. That calm civilised journey was most appreciated.
I arrived back at Hanoi around 4pm and was kindly dropped off at my hotel. It was one of those budget places which there are a myriad of in the old town, within a few minutes walking of Hoan Kiem lake.
My initial impression of Hanoi old quarter is exciting chaos. Initially it feels invigorating. The madness is entertaining in it’s own thrilling way. The narrow streets, the noise, the colour and everybody hustling their wares. I must say out of all of South East Asia i felt most likely to be run over in Vietnam.
After about an hour the sensory overload becomes tiring and accompanied by the thick pollution it just becomes tedious.
I went walking to see the sights. I walked to Hoang Thanh but all the reviews say it’s overrated and not worth the entry fee, even though it’s a World Heritage site, so i passed.
Next i walked to Ho Chi Minh mausoleum, which is ok but not impressive, quite similar design to Ataturks in Ankara but about 5 times smaller. They both have a similar cult of personality around a mythical leader. Good thing the Brits are so sophisticated and don’t do the same around Queen Elizabeth and Winston Churchill….
Then i walked to the One Pillar Pagoda, it’s old. Then up to the Chua Tran Quoc which is on a bridge over the large inland lake, Ho Tay, and it was passingly interesting. So after 2 hours wandering i was like ‘meh’ and i went looking for Banh Mi.
So the sights of Hanoi are pedestrian to say the least. Maybe the locals are excited by them, or maybe they're too busy lawlessly riding their motorcycles on the pavement and nearly running me over.
In the evening i went for a wander near my hotel on the way to see the famous train. I passed streets full of young ladies offering ‘special’ massage and realised i was in the unmarked red light area, or maybe it’s not a zone it just spreads out. I’ve now had this experience 3 times in 3 tourist hotspots. Kuta in Bali, French Quarter in Hanoi and close to Pub / Market street in Siem Reap. In each case the girls are bold and i mean BOLD, literally grabbing hold of me and hugging and trying to drag you inside.
I have not experienced this level of effort before. Mainly because i avoid bona fide red light districts. I never experienced this in months of travel all around Thailand because obvs i avoided the specific area in Bangkok and therefore was around normal local people, even when visiting popular spots.
However i clearly see now the popular western tourist spots in South Asia are crawling with prostitution. Or maybe all these cute young Asian women have just graduated Chiropractic and Physiotherapy school and are desperate to fix all the taut muscles of stressed western visitors.
I hate being ambushed by this when i’m trying to enjoy the experience of a new city and trying to the best of my research to visit normal places, a night market, a river, a restaurant etc.
Sadly it's clearly fuelled by Western visitors
I have not read any blogs or tourist info which provide any warnings or objections about this.
I wonder why?
For me the best part of Hanoi was the train experience. Here is the best spot to go. There is a ramp at this exact spot. There are a row of many cafes and restaurants.
I never made it very far past the first spot as a very pretty friendly young lady was standing at the front inviting patrons in and she had a certain paralysing effect on me, so i sat down and had a cup of Jasmine tea. She spoke good English and was attending university. Shout out to Ming at Coffee Binh Minh. They even took debit card, which was very refreshing as often it was too common to hear ‘only cash’.
Using sign language i told Grandma ‘your very smart with your Granddaughter here out front and cha ching’ Granny gave a big smile and made the money sign, some concepts need no translation. This café has some amazing murals painted on the wall as well. It’s a friendly comfortable place and an excellent spot for the train.
The train schedule is pretty fluid. Apparently they start about 7pm. You will see blogs giving you exact times, 7, 7:45, 8 etc , haha! Nonsense! Just sit down after 7pm and wait and chill.
The staff in this café have a contact in the Hanoi main station so they get warning when the trains have departed. I got there about 8:30pm and was told the next train 9:15pm and they were pretty exact.
The first warning you get is a few shouts, then you see the faint dim of light on the track which gets brighter and then you hear the horn and rumbling. I stayed sitting in my seat right in front of the track (like 2 feet). The train slowly rumbled past. A certain creeping horror comes over ones mind as you think '(insert profanity) this is close' and i mean CLOSE, like skimming your nose close. It’s a bit unnerving. But a very cool and unique experience.
As i work on the trains and underground in London this complete absence of health and safety filled me both with horror but thrills at experiencing precisely why we travel abroad.
Another great Hanoi experience was the egg white coffee. It’s a creamy sweet frothy coffee like a pumped up Cappuccino. It is delicious and unique. I went to Hanoi 1930 Bistro on on Dinh Tien Hoang by Hoan Kiem lake.
So in North Vietnam is i was impressed by nature and egg white coffee and Banh Mi and sitting in front of moving trains.
I recommend only 1 day to visit Hanoi and 1 day in Ha Long Bay and it's enough.
Sadly i generally found Vietnamese people to be more serious looking, grumpier and less friendly than all other South Asian countries.
My return flight was Vietnam Airlines and the flight attendants were by far the grumpiest and most disinterested lot of all flights i’ve been on. Of course i met some friendly Vietnamese.
Using the airport free wifi i booked a tuk tuk on Grab and was immediately picked up as the young man was waiting. The cost was 75,000 (£13) Now if you have booked a tour or a hotel you will have received all sorts of communication and offers. Siem Reap airport is 40km from the town. So no way is going to be cheap, especially in this tourist trap spot.
Apparently there is some kind of 8 dollar public bus but i arrived at 8pm and i had missed the last one. There is an irregular timetable which even when returning didn't fit my flight schedule.
So i hopped in my tuktuk and set off. You could say it was naturally air conditioned, or just exposed. At least it was 25 deg so the through air was warm.
It wouldn’t work on a trip from Aberdeen airport, even in the 15 degrees at the height of summer.
What i liked was that the young man put his foot down, we were flying. Of course the thoughts that come to mind if a wheel falls off or there’s another accident i’m finished as there's no protection. Fortunately i don’t fear death. However maiming and mangling would be ghastly. Better a clean quick finish rather than all the dragged out misery. Pushing such thoughts out i relaxed and within barely an hour we were at my hotel.
I stayed at the Harmony Indochine D'Angkor, 2 nights for £33 via www.booking.com. It was a very nice hotel with a lovely pool and bar area and i recommend it.
On the return journey i used a Remork which is like a 19th century carriage. It’s fun but as we left at 5pm rush hour this one took an hour and a half. The driver demanded 2$ to even enter the airport as there is a charge for vehicles. This really should be thought through better by Grab. My advice, since getting to the airport to catch your flight is more critical don’t use the tuktuk Remorks. Pay a bit extra for peace of mind and comfort from the public bus or private car, even if it means being quite early at the airport.
To book your entry to Angkor Wat use angkorenterprise.gov.kh, $37. The Cambodia visa website is evisa.gov.kh, $36. Total is £57.
In Siem Reap many of the prices for goods are in dollars so be prepared for this. I found Cambodian people to be very sweet natured and friendly and helpful.
The next day i opted to get to Angkor Wat for sunrise. That day sunrise was 6:30am so i left my hotel around 5:45am. I ordered another tuktuk on Grab which so quick and smooth. This timing was about right. It takes about 30 minutes to get there and from where he’s allowed to drop off about a 20 minute walk to the best spot, the left pool. It’s a good idea to print your ticket out as they recommend this and it was easiest to have it checked.
About a mile before the site there is a check point, it looks more like a chicken food shack but a little official comes out and scans the code on your ticket and you go in. This ticket covers the whole area, it was scanned a few other times during the day.
As you start to walk across the Rainbow Bridge you catch site of the 3 domes in the early morning pinkish hue, and it takes your breath away. It must be one of the most visually striking scenes in the whole world.
Your overwhelmed with the awareness of ancient forces at work. An archaic edifice that’s mysterious and otherworldly. Foreboding and powerful.
Angkor Wat creates a powerful visceral reaction.
Keep walking and you’ll see the reflecting pools, go to the left one (facing the temple) and go up to the fence with all the other people. I arrived at 6:30am and waited about 40 minutes for these shots of the sun over the tower.
After the sun had fully risen i went inside to explore the main temple. There is a long bas relief called the Battle of Lanka. The craftsmanship is very impressive. You can look up all the details but it’s basically a battle between Gods or something like that and they ride animals and mythical creatures.
I then went into the interior where you can ascend the steps right up to the main cone towers. This is wonderful to see. You have a marvellous vista of the whole complex.
Everywhere you see figures carved into the stone. Exquisitely carved huge stone blocks carefully positioned. I was deeply impressed .
I kept trying to imagine Angkor Wat it in its pomp. The stone would’ve been white and gleamed in the sun, not the darkened crumbling state we have now. I imagined the brightly coloured soldiers, courtiers and attendants and slave girls, hundreds lined up in the grounds in front of the King on March 21st as they await the moment the sun touches the exact peak of the main cone pillar. Accompanied by singing chanting and music as they worship the divinity of their Hindu God’s and King.
What a gorgeously colourful sumptuous spectacle such festivals must’ve been.
I decided to explore the other temples in the extended area by walking between the sites. The ones i walked between were a few kilometres apart so it was about 45 minutes walking at a time. I observed i was literally the only person walking between these sites. I like to walk. It clears my mind. It refreshes me.
I was passed by dozens of tourists in tuktuks with tour guides being shepherded from one site to the next while the tour guide prattles on. This brings me to analyse the tour guides i saw in Angkor. They all had the same uniform on. A number of people i spoke to had booked a complete tour packages i.e. Mekong River Delta Cruise etc. So every step of the way they are shepherded along with their guide metaphorically holding their hand. Also some people just hired a guide on the day from the many men offering their services. I can understand an audio tour, it was indispensable when visiting Opera Garnier in Paris and Alcatraz but i’m not convinced it’s needed at Angkor.
Firstly, as i walked past many tours and briefly listened i overheard their English is quite poor. I could hardly make out what they were saying through their thick accent. Next you have to follow this boy around and go where he dictates which in my opinion cancels out the joy of exploring the site. And some of the information guides told me about Angkor turns out to be bunkum. Really, i think they make some of this stuff up and a gullible septuagenarian American won’t care to know any better.
‘In 5000BCE Takeshi's castle built Angkor Wat’ ‘gee wizz hun, that’s gnarly’ And of course all these tourists with their goldfish attention span will forget 99% of the tour by the first Tiger beer that night. ‘Angkor, gee wizz , it sure is big, built by Genghis Kahn, is that right hun?’ So any historical info you need can be easily found on open sources, like hmm say the internet. You don’t need a guide for this.
There are tuktuks everywhere and i understand some people just can’t walk in 30 degree heat so you can easily give one of the many vehicles a few bucks and he will take you 15 minutes down the road. You don’t necessarily need a specially booked package for this.
The next site i walked to was the Bayon temple and Terrace of the Elephants via the Tonle Om gate bridge. Crossing the bridge takes you past these remarkable figures. The idea seems to be of these strong men holding up a span of the bridge. Each carved face is unique as a real human face. It's extraordinary.
This whole entire site was full of exquisitely carved temples and figures, it’s mind boggling. The ingenuity of the craftsmanship is stunning. You start to comprehend the vast scale of the whole Angkor complex, it covers several miles. The whole complex was a royal region so it included the very best construction.
In all my travels there are few places that are utterly unique on this planet. Angkor Wat is one of them. There is simply nowhere to compare with it. You have to visit!!
Next leaving the Bayon Temple you follow the road to the Khmoch Gate. Follow the road past the Victory gate and over the bridge.
At this point i left the beaten track to walk on a well marked single person track. Suddenly all the noise and bustle of the tourist tuktuks ceased and i was walking with an enormous temple of stone on one side and the jungle on the other.
I was completely alone, it was bliss.
I started to feel that i was truly exploring.
This exciting 15 minute exploration resulted in me discovering a public bathroom, which was very helpful.
My final destination was the
Ta Prohm temple. I started out by walking on the road but i saw a parallel cycle/walking path so thought it seems to be going in the same direction.
I followed it and using google map location i was navigating getting closer to the temple. I was walking parallel to an outer wall and looking for a breach that i could cut across into the temple, and here it was. There is a sandy path which i guessed would take me there and i was right.
Google maps shows water moats all around the temple. There wasn't any when i was there, i assume the hot weather had dried them out but this doesn't mean they may be there at other times of the year. I came out at the side of the main entrance to the Ta Prohm temple
I felt super smug and superior for creating my own route by using a bit of planning with google maps.
Just a thought though, Cambodia is littered with millions of unexploded landmines. Sadly some of the most in the whole world. Each year scores of people are still maimed and killed. In retrospect i would not recommend any random off track wanderings. My little jaunts were always on clear tracks that locals clearly use. Being maimed or killed by a land mine surely qualifies as an authentic holiday experience and you could certainly tick and kick your ‘bucket list'.
This temple was made famous by being in one of the Tomb Raider movies. Here is the famous location, it’s quite impressive.
You have to wait a few minutes for your turn to get a picture. I was fortunate that day there was never more than 20 people, i can only imagine how ghastly it must be in the crowded high season.
After this you can exit the temple to the East and walk straight for about 15 minutes, cross a bridge and come to Srah Srang and get a tuktuk home.
Florida to San Francisco Coast to Coast September 2023
One’s immediate impression of arriving of Fort Lauderdale is how wide open everything feels. The atmosphere feels bright. The roads are much wider than than the UK. There doesn't feel like a lot of traffic even at peak hours.
Palm trees are everywhere. Initial emotional reactions go deep and my initial one was ‘i really like it here’
We drove to our hotel the Sheraton Fort Lauderdale, book at www.marriott.com. The hotel has an astonishing inner courtyard. It’s a large sculpted garden with small waterfalls. I was quite impressed, i don’t recall ever staying in a hotel with this rare feature.
It’s listed as a 3 star. Frankly in some countries that shall remain nameless but it shares it’s name with a flightless bird Americans eat on a popular holiday, this hotel would be 9 star. When we compare the quality and service of American hotels with approximately equal level in many other countries then American hotels always triumph. I observe that hotels in the States are completely set up for business travellers more than tourists. Corporate businessmen regularly traverse the country and the hotels have to cater. Plus Americans are so ready to complain and sue they have to try to stay on top of the game.
Most of the rooms i stayed in on my American trip we had suites for around $100 a night. When shared with a friend it’s not too bad. These hotels have laundry rooms and gyms and free 24hr coffee and tea in the foyer etc. Try asking for that in many countries and wait for the grimace.
My only criticism of the Sheraton is the furnishings and fixings are quite late 80’s early 90’s. The hotel is looking a tad tired. It reminded me of any public building growing up in Scotland. Our large suite was nice.
The first day we went for an Airboat tour.
We used evergladesswamptours.com. The cost was $60 (£47) for a 1 hour shared boat tour.
It was about a 1 hour drive from Fort Lauderdale. The drive is parallel and crossing many canals as essentially the entire southern portion of Florida is a swamp (drain the swamp ;-) which has been strategically built on. As we were driving we saw a few big ‘gators just lazily swimming along the canals, very cool!
I had really wanted to do this tour since i’d seen Airboats in an 80’s American TV show. I thought it was episodes of Magnum PM. Upon further diligent research i learned Magnum was set in Hawaii so definitely not airboats on swamps. I’m melding all the wonderfully glossy 80’s American sitcoms into one.
We had around 8 people on our tour including some real characters. The airboat is very noisy so they give you ear muffs. The boat slices through the reeds and the driver does sharp turns and weaves around. It’s exciting and exhilarating.
Our guide stopped at a spot where he gives you a bit of a spiel about the flora and fauna and wildlife of the area. This is where our group started to interact. There was an O.G. in front who had an Alan Alda New York accent. Not quite Jewish New York or clichéd Queens Gangster but within these two so you get the Venn diagram overlap idea. It was a New York accent without the extreme edges. He probably grew up in Brooklyn or Queens but has moved and travelled around. He was hilariously entertaining. Mainly because his loud unvarnished opinions on whatever subject came to his mind or came up in conversation. One phrase i remember was ‘they don’t know sh*t’ , where the final word is barked out and enunciated quick and cut short. Think newspaper kiosk Harlem 1955.
It became clear as to why we stopped at this particular spot as there is a semi tame crocodile who hangs around here. He has gotten used to the attention that the tours provide him. Sure enough ‘lefty’ came into view. For some reason i shan’t divulge our tour guide asked us to stop filming and snapping pictures at this point. Incidentally it's illegal to feed the wildlife.
We all dutifully obeyed. Except George. I was worried about George when i first saw him on our tour. He was a thin wizened wrinkly old man who sat immobile with his head hunched over. Was George alive? His wife was the typical fat old American lady with big jowls.
I wasn’t aware that George had come to life and was filming the gator on his phone along with the rest of us. When we all stopped filming George continued. The guide said ‘please sir stop filming, i’ll get into trouble’ … George didn’t stop. His wife cried out in her whiny Brooklyn accent ‘George!! stop filming’. George didn’t stop. George seemed oblivious to these demands. Really George seemed oblivious to everything. There then continued more desperate urgent commands from the tour guide and more whiny pleas from Georges wife until eventually the phone was plucked from his bony hand.
I don’t think George knows what day of the week or month of the year it is or likely even who George is himself. This little episode really cracked us up.
The next day in the late afternoon we went snorkelling at Dania beach not far from the airport. This public beach has the most gorgeous white sand. We snorkelled under the pier following it out to sea, it’s safer to be next to the pillars.
After only about 10 minutes we started to see so many beautiful tropical fish. And we saw Tiger sharks. Which did produce a pang of fear in me but also a thrill. The sea is teeming with life here and the water was warm and clear. What an incredible pay off for such a simple investment. Just get a £10 snorkel and come to the beach.
A sign at the front of pier says ‘no swimming under the pier’ We chuckled and drove home.
The next day we flew to Denver. Arriving at Denver airport i was glad to be with my buddy to navigate.
He happens to be a business traveller who has been to virtually every major airport in the US and has a photographic memory.
You see Denver is the largest airport in the States and the second largest in the world, it’s spread out over a vast area, and i mean vast.
Actually, approximately 45% of the continental United States is Denver airport and i have a google map screenshot to prove it!
We walked for what felt like an endless time to get to baggage reclaim. Then walked forever to get a shuttle bus. Then drove endlessly to get to the car hire lot. It’s too big, exhaustingly big.
It’s even more vast and confusing than searching in Ikea for the Fleurgen plug at section 24B.1!
I hope never to return, (Denver airport and Ikea) It does have an interesting roof which looks like tent canvass but is apparently designed to safely cope with the weight of the copious snow that falls each winter. A quick internet search reveals it’s Teflon-coated fiberglass. It reminded me of the Millennium Dome roof.
I wonder if Denver airport was also a totally pointless white elephant for the first few years of it’s life.
Our airbnb was in the Olde town Arvada neighbourhood, specifically at the junction of Olde Wadsworth Blvd and 57. £124 for one night. I liked this neighbourhood. It’s got an arty bohemian vibe. Lots of artesian coffee shops, brew pubs and street murals.
But one soon learns about the dark side of inner city America. At the 7-11 there were clearly a few junkies buying dinner for the evening. Inside one of the customers was missing some limb, i forget which one, (the limb not the customer) and as we started chatting it was from a bad injection from his earlier addiction. Around our airbnb location i didn’t see anything nor in the eateries but i could definitely feel a shift in atmosphere from the Fort Lauderdale -Miami area. A sense of danger and grime.
We were scheduled only to spend one night in Denver when our road trip proper would begin. Our trip was predominantly visiting National Parks. If you are visiting more than 2 in any given year it's best to purchase the yearly pass. This covers one vehicle with 3 adults and under 16 are free. It's $80 (£66), buy online at usparkpass.com. Or this pass can be purchased at the ticket booth entering any national park.
When you start driving west out of Denver you realise how high it’s elevation is. The highway out is just like a ski slope. It feels unnervingly steep at times. At sections i felt as if i was almost falling off the mountain not just driving down.
Our first segment was to Monument Valley. This is a scenically gorgeous 8 hour drive. Along the journey on Route 70 we took a 20 minute detour to visit the Loveland Pass at 11,990 ft which is one of the highest accessible points in the USA and the views are expansive.
We next stopped at Grand Junction to visit Genghis Grill, locations.genghisgrill.com. I was excited by the name. I wondered if it was authentic Mongolian food? Hard to tell, since i’ve never been to Mongolia. However it was fun and tasty.
The concept is that you put all your meats and veg and spices in a bowl and they cook it on a big hot plate while you wait. You can then return as many times as you want. Did Genghis himself enjoy a similar culinary experience? He certainly needed a lot of energy for raping and pillaging to father 8% of the worlds male population.
Imagine the apoplexy of woke rage Genghis would set off today? Imagine the talk show format with a bevvy of Woke females and Genghis. Yikes! Imagine, he’d get sued more than a certain ex-president,,, maybe. #istandwitheverywomenagainstgenghis.
At the restaurant I asked for Yaks milk and Camel steak but alas they gave a confused blank grin.
At this point we had like a 4 hour drive and the sun was setting and for reasons i shall adumbrate soon i didn't want a late arrival at Monument Valley. So Man took over the driving in our new sporty rental and put his foot down.
Route 70 approaching Moab is a wide open new highway. We we're flying! The roads here are like a racetrack. Then i was warned 'watch out police car ahead'. My contact lenses prescription needed updated so i hadn't seen him. I slowed to the speed limit and then the police car really slowed so i was forced to overtake him and as soon as i had done this he pulled behind me, put his blues and two’s on and pulled me over. I wondered if he would be liken Buford T Justice from Smokey and the Bandit. I'd get out of the car and he knees me in the stomach and tells me 'arrest ya'self boy'
At this point i said to my travel companion ‘will he shoot me’ , but being a pale face i had a hopeful expectation for a non incendiary outcome.
Our Policeman came over and fortunately he was a bespectacled man of small slight build. He explained that his rear speed camera clocked me at 94 on an 80 road. He started to chat and was quite pleasant. Of course this is all part of an act which they are trained to do to see if they detect any anomalous behaviour with which they may need to take further action with, like shooting up a fool.
We explained that i was a tourist on my first time in the US (a porky) and please kind sir i was confused about the new speed limits and European is KM but US is miles (anuvver porky UK is miles too) and whatever extra bull we could heap out to garner sympathy. I aimed for projecting a benign simpleton. He took my driving licence and the rental agreement and instructed us to wait while he went back to his car. The longer it took the more likely I reckoned i’d get off with it.
Sure enough, he came back and said ‘enjoy your trip, welcome to the United States’ He was very professional and respectful. As we were actually in Utah my buddy pointed out he was likely a Mormon. Perhaps i benefited from some religious compassion. At least he has a story of forgiving a speeding UK tourist to tell to his 3 wives over supper.
So chastened and travelling at the speed limit we made our 3 and a half hour journey to Monument Valley. Passing through several towns we passed multiple police cars sitting at strategic points as speed traps. So it isn’t just the UK where the mercenary authorities prey upon the natives for revenue extortion.
Finally we arrived at Monument Valley at Midnight. We had booked a camping spot at The View campground right in front the 3 famous Mesa’s. There is a checkpoint where you have to pay an entry fee to the Navajo nation. It was unmanned and wide open due to the late hour so we chuckled and drove through.
To confirm your booking you go first to the View hotel which administer the campground. The hotel lobby is gorgeously decorated in Native American style and i felt a pang of envy to be having to erect a tent when it would be wonderful to crash into a fancy room at this late hour. The campsite isn’t cheap, $63 a night, so if you can stretch a bit more i recommend the hotel. Campsite booking on theviewcampground.com
However I wanted to wake up in the morning unzip the tent and see sunrise over the famous view. So we got to work and fortunately it was up in 20 minutes. I’m thankful for my Brother’s patience and construction skills. So i set my alarm for 6am and tried to sleep in the cold tent with my cheap Walmart dog blankets.
Come the morning i did feel it was all worth it.
This view is stunning. I believe this geographical feature is nearly unique in this whole world. These Mesa’s have appeared in so many TV and cowboy movies that it was wonderful to see it for real.
After exploring a bit we set off on the 2 hour drive to Antelope Canyon, via Route 163 & 98. This time we stayed in the Hilton Honors Page, $171. A very nice and large room, hilton.com
It’s impossible to visit Antelope canyon without booking an official tour. We used Tsé Bíghanílíní tours, www.tsebighanilini.com. This is because it’s Native American land and ‘the great spirit says, give me your credit card’
Plus for safety reasons a guide is a legal requirement as it’s a flood valley and people have died in the past. Ok, fair enough.
I had booked the peak lighting experience at 12pm. I have been fascinated by this place since investigating what is the source of the famous wallpaper that is so common on laptops. And in one of the Halo games there is a level where Master Chief goes through a valley of curved multi coloured rock and i’m sure it’s based on the curved canyons of this area (there are other canyons like antelope canyon in this area).
You are instructed to go to a meeting place just 5 minutes drive from Paige on Route 98, the details are in your booking info. There are only about 6 companies who have the exclusive franchise to do tours of Antelope and you all meet at the same open air metal structure with a tin roof. So when you book and pay more for the promise of a superior experience then it’s just bunk. All the different tour companies meet at the same place and tour in exactly the same way. Go up to the ticket booth and register your arrival. Then wait until your group is called by your tour guide. You get a bit of a briefing then go to the transport van. There were 10 people in our group.
The truck ride is down a wadi for about 20 minutes then you disembark at the entrance to the canyon. Our primitive truck had sides that were open to the air, like the kind that would transport fruit and vegetable. As you enter you have the opportunity to take the insta shot because the famous shot of the ray of sunlight beaming down is right at the entrance. Sadly it was rainy and cloudy that day. Yet i was still deeply awed by the curvaceous elliptical walls of multi-coloured rock that had been carved and shaped by hundreds of years of cascading water.
There is a quality of ethereality to the canyon although it's carved solid rock. Like one has momentarily left the physical realm and has entered a dreamy hypnotic firmament.
Our excellent tour guide provided a lot of very interesting information and helped us with our photos, even adjusting our filters and apertures. At some points the sun poked through and when mixed with the rain rendered the renowned visual effect. I felt better about the experience when our tour guide said she likes the canyon visual effects better when it rains.
I felt a real ‘Yes!’ moment to be there and have this experience. That feeling of accomplishment as a traveller to actually visit the places one has seen only in picture and TV. It takes about 25 minutes to wander the length of this canyon including several stops, you don’t feel rushed. Usually the way back is up a staircase so you walk at the top of the canyon but due to the rain they said it wasn’t safe (namby pamby’s) so we exited back through the canyon and got the truck back to our starting point.
As we were driving around we saw a sign for 'dinosaur footprints', how could one resist!
How many places in the world can you just pull over from a regular road and see Tyrannous toes?
The next day we drove to the 2 hours to Grand Canyon, via Route 98 and 64. We stayed at the pleasant Mather campsite, $18. Book on official National Park Service Website, www.nps.gov. We arrived in the mid afternoon and after setting up the tent and settling we went for a walk along the South Rim. Our arrival was timed splendidly at about 5pm.
The sun was setting and casting it’s myriad shaded angles and shadows over the Grand Canyon. No matter what pictures you see it cannot prepare you for the vastness and scale of the vista.
It’s viscerally awe inspiring. Epic and overwhelming. The way the light caught all the rocky angles at sunset made it resemble a humongous three dimensional cubist work of art.
The next day we drove to Vegas via Zion national park. This was an unexpected treat. It’s grand and stunning. And quite unique. Which is really saying something in this neighbourhood of the western US. I loved the creamy coloured rocks, the topography seemed different from the other areas.
Vegas was fun for 2 nights. We actually stayed with a friend on the extreme north suburbs, right on the edge of the city. Vegas suburbs reminded me of Fort Lauderdale. Wide clear roads with little traffic. It brought home to me how overcrowded the UK is.
The first night we did Hibachi which was a new experience for me, www.geisharestaurants.com.
Hibachi is so very entertaining!
Hibachi seems to have only recently started to catch on in the UK, i see a few places in London advertising it.
The next night we went right into the centre of Vegas. It was bright and gaudy and sleazy and loud and brash… i loved it. I don’t feel qualified to blog about Vegas as one would really need to stay in one of the famous hotels and watch a show and experience the whole schabang. The new Vegas Dome was opening literally the following week. So i had the thrill of being an early viewer. This is what i love about travelling, unique experiences. There is nothing in the world like this object.
The second day we explored Death Valley. Well that was the plan but due to Hurricane Hillary of August tearing up the roads the entry to the center was closed. I was disappointed as i really wanted to see where the Undertaker had been born. So we skirted along the edges and still got a feel for it then headed back to Vegas. I recommend you just drive a loop round or through it, there is literally nothing there. But isn’t it cool to say you visited the hottest place on the planet?
After Vegas it was an 8 hour drive to Sequoia national forest. We stayed at the Stony Creek campground, $40, book at www.nps.gov. This was by far the best campsite we stayed at on our trip, you really felt you were deep in nature. We started a fire pit in the evening and had a few beers and it was bliss.
The next day we went to to see the main trees along the well signposted paths. We started along and i came to the first tall tree and i had a moment.
When i looked up at it’s height and caught sight of the top i felt touched deeply into my emotional soul. It drew tears to my eyes. They are just beautiful. So very very beautiful. And awe-inspiring. To be in their presence is a spiritual experience.
As a boy i remember a picture in a book of a man holding the tiny seed of the Sequoia in the palm of his hand while standing next to the huge tree. I think the book was about creation. That had an impact on my young mind.
We hiked along to see General Sherman and what a reward. We learned very interesting information on how they have protected it from fires by covering it with huge fire retardant blankets. Seeing all of this ancient life made me meditate, If a tree can live thousands of years why not humans?
The next day was an 8 hour drive to San Francisco. The ideal plan would’ve been to drive to Cambria and then come up the famous pacific coast drive. Sadly the road was closed at a specific point where a storm had caused a landslide and after several months it still hadn’t been fixed. What’s with these storms destroying roads, are we in the last days or something?
So we opted to drive essentially straight due West to Carmel by the Sea and do a little drive down the coast road. This drive was my first proper look at California and i understand all the cultural hype. It is a pretty place. It has a lovely blend between sandy golden and green nature and rolling hills and then the sea. I can see the appeal.
Guess what impression was made when i finally arrived at the world famous Pacific coast - subject of numerous songs and accolades, surfer culture, featured in a million movies… . Well not much. It’s a coast and a beach, like every other coast and beach i’ve been to and not as pretty as some others. I was reminded of Edward de Vere’s quote in Henry V
‘There is a river in Macedon, and there is moreover a river in Monmouth. It is called Wye at Monmouth, but it is out of my prains what is the name of the other river; but 'tis all one, 'tis alike as my fingers is to my fingers, and there is salmons in both'.
Still though, it was nice to actually say i’d been there.
And it felt an achievement to have gone Coast to Coast!!
After staying at the adequate Hampton Inn San Jose Cupertino next day my buddy dropped me off at Pier 33 for the Alcatraz Tour. I booked my tour with cityexperiences.com, £35. I don’t believe there is much choice in this as there seems to be a monopoly of only a few tour companies. The ferry over the bay is about 30 minutes.
The first thing that catches your attention when you go into the entry courtyard is the entry sign has been defaced with Native American graffiti. There is man and a women dressed in 19th century period costume who give you a brief of the experience and explain that in 1969 some Native Americans protested by occupying the abandoned site for nearly 2 years. Weirdly the authorities say this is an important part of the history of Alcatraz? and strangely, they have even touched up the 55 year old graffiti so it has a fresh new look....
Perhaps someone should try graffiti with the cause of other persecuted peoples and see how it goes?
It’s pointless to do Alcatraz without the audio guide as this is in fact a vital part of the tour. Why? Well incredibly the narrators of the audio tour are the actual guards and prisoners of the facility while it was in operation. These people are talking in the first person about the experience.
There is so much incredibly fascinating information about the facility and so many hidden gems. The whole experience is very powerful and informative. I strongly recommend it.
We ought to travel for unique experiences. There is only one Alcatraz in the whole world, period! Just like only one Pamukkale and Angkor Wat etc. Other prison tours sure, but nothing to match the notoriety and reputation of this foreboding place.
The next day we planned a brief exploration of San Francisco.
At Fisherman's Wharf I tried the world famous Clam Chowder served in a Sourdough. Delicious!!
At one point we found ourselves behind a Waymo self driving car. I pity the fool sitting in this potential death trap. Do you trust AI enough to drive you at speed? Not me. I barely can sit next to a women who’s driving!
I mainly wanted to see the tent encampments. I felt a bit like being in a post apocalyptic movie where the zombies are roaming around and this excited me in a dangerous voyeuristic way. I urged my buddy ‘let’s find the tent camps’ with a breathless tingling quiver. Sure enough we saw them, they’re not hard to miss. Yet when we passed them and slowed down and photographed I began to feel nauseous and sad. Then i felt guilty at my earlier gleeful abandon. These poor people.
All i can say is San Francisco was the most disappointing part of my whole trip and the most underwhelming place i’ve ever been in the United States. One blog i read kept banging on about the Bay and the mountains and the sea and oh … so you mean… Nature. What does that have to do with your crummy city? The buildings look old, grey and tired.
I know there’s fabulous wealth here created in large part by the tech companies. Yet this wealth hasn’t appeared to seep into the civic public life. I was happy to leave and drive over the Golden Gate Bridge to Marin county. I think that’s where the wealth has went.
I’m not ashamed to say i love beauty. I love colour and style and warmth.
The grey pall that hangs over Tent Francisco was dispersed both physically and metaphorically when we travelled across the Gate.
Almost instantly the sun came out and scenery was sweet. I had wanted to visit here as The Mentalist was based in Marin County and the backdrops always looked so beautiful.
We picked a route that went past the many Winery’s and had a plan to just naturally visit an appealing looking one for a tour. We weren’t disappointed when we saw a sign for Jacuzzi Family Winery advertising drop in tours, jacuzziwines.com. This winery is gorgeous. The architecture and décor is like a Spanish/Italian 19th century Villa. Everything is new and spotless. There is fine attention to detail. They even have an impressive Roman style fountain out back. There isn’t even really a tour, they just let you wander around. It’s so relaxed and welcoming .
We sat in the courtyard tasting wine and basking in the sun. The winery was actually founded by the same family who invented the Jacuzzi. When you hear these names, Ferrari, Jacuzzi etc it evokes exciting romantic images. Then you learn it’s just a common Italian surname. Still though, if the super car was called Smith i doubt it would have the same appeal. I highly recommend a visit here.
That evening my buddy dropped me off at the airport for my 11pm flight to New York. I had a flight out of New York to London at 6:30pm the following day.
I arrived at New York at around 7:30am so my plan was to spend a cheeky day in New York to see a few little leftover places i’d never seen (i’ve been twice before) This day turned out to be one of the strangest days i’ve ever had as a traveller as i suffered a set of ever increasing disasters.
Firstly i had a hefty bag i didn’t fancy humping around so i opted to use the luggage storage at Terminal 4. BIG MISTAKE! So i arrived at 7:30am and no kidding the whole process took an hour and a half. I naively thought i just rock up and pay the fee and drop the bag but oh boy was i wrong. There were only 3 people ahead of me in the queue but a combination of the slow dumb incompetence of the only guy working there and the security aspect made it torturously slow. Each person took at least 30 minutes.
You get to the desk and first you pay your £22. Then he takes your bag and about 10 minutes go by. Then you go through a door to the inspection area and you have to open your bag up and almost near empty it as the man inspects it and asks you questions with his clipboard. Then he seals your bag with a ziplock tie and you have to sign forms and it’s all so tedious. If i had know i wouldn’t have bothered and i would’ve just taken my luggage. So according to my itinerary i was already behind. I had to be back at JFK at 5pm at absolutely latest, so i aimed for 4pm.
First it was an authentic New York breakfast at George's the corner of Greenwich and Rector. I highly recommend this fine establishment, www.georges-ny.com.
Then the viewing gallery at One World Trade. I had come from California in mid-September so i had shorts and a t-shirt. Well, New York was cold and raining a torrential downpour. I bought a cheap brolley but with the 10 minute walk from the Metro to the café i still got pretty wet.
When i arrived at One World Trade the security guard, the ticket booth lady, the guides all told me it’s a waste of time, there is zero visibility. An Internet weather search told me the rain would clear in the next few hours but the longer i lingered i ran the risk of rushing my itinerary and missing the flight. I scolded them for their negativity and counselled them to have faith. So i got to the viewing gallery. And it was a near white out. At points the cloud did clear and i did have brief fantastic views but never the 360 experience that could be possible. Internally i noted how everyone was right and i was wrong, but of course i’m never going to admit this. But i lingered up there thinking the clouds might clear.
The viewing area is large and cold. I’m wet and in shorts. I was not comfortable. I felt grumpy and irritated. The day was not going to plan. Finally i conceded defeat and came down. The rain was petering out. A few hours after this the clouds did almost completely clear, crummy timing eh!
I took a taxi to the next place i had never seen in the flesh, Flatiron. I hailed a taxi, no problem. I arrived and looked up aaaaand it’s covered in scaffolding.
I’ve seen this building hanging as an Ikea picture in countless London rooms i’ve been in to visit friends, along with the Ikea sofa which pulls out as a bed. You could make out enough to appreciate the architecture but man was i bummed.
I planned to get the Metro to JFK at 3.30pm from Grand Central Station. I would’ve loved to have gone to a classic New York cocktail bar but they obviously only open in the evenings so i had to plump for one i found that opens early and close to my train. The famous Campbell Bar at Grand Central Station, thecampbellnyc.com. My plan was get there bang on 3pm when it opens, have a 15 minute drink then jump on the F line to Queens Jamaica then train to JFK. From Flatiron i hailed a taxi to Grand Central and we hit heavy traffic. Then we just stopped and stopped and stopped. It’s like the roads just seized in every direction. The taxi driver pointed out that Joe Biden was visiting the United Nations and many of the roads were closed, aaaaaarrgggghhh.
I jumped out and started to hoof it. At this point i felt the frustration within me rising like bile. I’m still a bit damp. I haven’t enjoyed any of the activities i’ve done. I’m behind on an unforgiving schedule. I made to the cocktail bar, incredibly about 3:15pm but i was wound up. I wish i’d had more time to savour the ambience because it’s a striking place. It’s covered with Masonic imagery. The décor is exquisite and detailed. Sadly the bartender was a jerk. Or maybe i was just grumpy.
So without any real time to enjoy it i set off for the Metro to get to Jamaica Queens. This involved getting a Metro at Grand Central then changing station which is a very short walk to another station then getting the E line. Now the only explanation i have for the following debacle is that after 2 weeks and tens of thousands of miles of travelling across multiple time zones and a messed up day i was more deeply fatigued and jet lagged than i realised. Because at this point my normally astute sense of direction and planning said ‘i’m outta here’
Firstly the Metro was rammed busy and hot and stressed. I couldn’t seem to read the signs or find them. So i got on the 6, but the wrong way. So i got off and got on the right way. Then i changed station. Then i start looking for the F, but i can’t see it going to Queens. Then a lady tells me you need the E. Where is the E. I’m at the wrong station. I leave the station. I'm using downloaded google maps, i got no data. I’m getting mixed up with these feckin 51/3 and 53/5 stations, bloomin grid system.
I finally get on a Metro going to Queens, i feel brain dead, like just blank. My mind is mashed. I see Jamaica station, i get off. Where am i? I'm completely lost, it's the WRONG STATION. It’s not Jamaica for the train to JFK but another Jamaica. I don’t want to go back down to buy a ticket and through the barrier and on the train, i look at the map it’s a 30 minute walk to the station for a train to JFK.
I start to walk and it begins to dawn on me … you will miss your flight. Even a taxi at this point wouldn’t have been quick enough. The more i walked i just gave up. I rarely give up but as i did i began to weirdly feel liberated. I had acceptance. And i said to myself the only issue here is one of ‘how much will this cost’ So, fine whatever. Fuhgeddaboutit!! New York to London is the busiest route in the world. I mean cmon, get a grip, you haven’t missed a flight from a scary wild and isolated place like Aberdeen.
As i walked through this slightly rough looking area i reflected on how i’ve been winging it for years with travel. From leaving it too late to get to the airport and only managing because the flight was delayed (twice) to sitting in a bus in flooded Bangkok streets and getting to the airport with 40 minutes to go and somehow still being allowed on (that was a miracle). So i was due a correction.
I wandered into Jamaica station and at the entrance met a lovely group of ladies standing next to a Bible Cart advertising God’s kingdom. They lovingly gave me hugs when i told them i missed my flight. Perhaps there is something in what they are offering.
My buddy is always bigging up Delta so i decided to try them for a last minute flight. I headed for Terminal 4. In the toilets i met a very fruity Filipino flight attendant who said he ‘wanted to give me a big hug’ for missing my flight (yes i was telling my story all around) After washing and changing i symbolically shook it all off. Then said a quiet prayer and i started to feel good.
So i went up to the Delta desk and said ‘hey, just missed my flight what have you got for London tonight please’ No problem sir, bap bap bap , flight at 11:30pm for $600' Sounds good yes please. Done! I felt like a boss. There is something masculine about tackling a problem square on, solving it and moving forward.
As i was still feeling a bit bruised and had 4 hours to wait i had a crazy idea to see if i could blag an entry to the Delta lounge (normally reserved for owners of certain credit cards and First/Business class tickets) The kind ladies at the door pointed this out but i gave them my sob story. She said ok let me call Jamal. Happy Jamal came and said scan this QR code on a lanyard round his neck and apply for this credit card and if i see the application pending i’ll let you in. I obeyed, the application got stuck on ZipCode, i tried using my buddy’s zipcode, it seemed to be blocked. I showed them something in an email and they said ‘ok’ and let me in. I had 4 hours of bliss with the Brazilian beef stew and endless Champagne and Cocktails. The Delta lounge is very nice. So Man felt some comfort to ease his pains.
In conclusion what can i say? I had the most exhilarating, wonderful and special trip coast to coast in the United States. Everything went perfectly according to plan and many things happened beyond my expectations. And it was a complex tight schedule with strict appointments after several hour drives. One mistake or accident would’ve rippled through all the other activities and ruined it. It never happened. And i’ve had 2 great past trips to exciting trendy gritty New York. But this time, New York shafted me. It got it’s revenge. I got the London vibe from New York this time, vindictive, petty, angry, stressed, de-humanising but above all Corporate.
I hate New York now, but i used to love it. I also hate London, whom i used to previously love. I hate my past lovers. They are thick as thieves in their abusive exploitation of people. Well you are welcome to your rotten nefarious machinations. This pleb is well and truly done with both of those human charnel houses.
DUBAI July 2023
First stop was the Gold and Spice souk. Take the Metro from the airport to the Al Ras stop. It’s interesting how these types of markets don’t really exist in Western countries. There’s always an air of the mysterious and exotic when visiting. I love the various colours and textures and dimensions of the materials.
My hotel was the Ibis Styles Jumeira which was £115 for 3 nights, all.accor.com. I was quite impressed. It was clean and modern. The rooms look onto the foyer via a huge glass façade. My room was large modern and comfortable.
Next activity in Dubai was Scuba Diving at the Dubai Mall with Al boom diving alboomdiving.com. I purchased the discover scuba diving for £207.
When you get a taxi to the Dubai mall there are apparently 2 drop offs for taxis. I accidentally hired a more expensive executive type and therefore was dropped off right at the entrance, quite nice. Other times i hired regular taxis and was dropped off at the basement road .
The Dubai Mall is next to Burj al Khalifa. Head for the centre of the mall where you have the huge glass viewing panel of the aquarium. Just to the right of this is an escalator, go to the 2nd floor. Your looking for the entrance to the Underwater Zoo, Al Boom is inside. Just show the staff your ticket. Al Boom have all this info when you book
You enter the dive prep area where there are lots of wet suits and tanks etc. They sit you down and firstly you must fill out all the forms, insurance, waivers etc etc a necessary evil but it covers you if things go south and a trip to the hospital is required.
I had a fantastic instructor called Ronald. He took me through the training. How to breathe using the scuba regulator mouthpiece, how to clear water from your mask etc. He teaches you the hand signals and most importantly how to equalise. All of this for me took less than an hour, if you really focus and cooperate it’s not difficult.
You then get kitted out with the wetsuit and tanks etc. You then enter the top of the aquarium on a platform which can be slowly lowered, like a wide open lift. The instructor will accompany you throughout the whole experience. Your instructed to lie flat and he lowers the platform a few feet. You run through the various exercises and hand signals to ensure you remember. Then the platform is lowered right into the aquarium.
The package i paid for was advertised for 30 minutes but we easily spent closer to an hour. There didn’t seem to be any other patrons that day. The first thing that hits you is the sheer volume and variety of tropical fish. They are stunning, mesmerising, beautiful. Bright yellows, greens, blues. Translucent, iridescent, shimmering as they dart past. It’s utterly captivating. The instructor takes you from artificial reef to reef where you settle down and stay for several minutes. As i was just chilling on a styrofoam reef i noticed something else that firmly arrested my attention,
TIGER SHARKS
There isn’t just one or two , but dozens. At one point i looked around and realised i was completely surrounded by them, at least 7 or 8. If there is anywhere else in the world one can safely be so close to sharks with no barriers i’d be curious to know. The rational goes through your head ‘obvs i wouldn’t be here if the sharks eat people, i would’ve seen it in the news’ and Ronald is quite plump and dives here every day and he’s intact so…
I have no idea how they keep them disinterested in human meat, maybe you can answer that. I was facing the main huge glass window onto the main foyer of the mall. So dozens of people are looking straight at you. This is very very very very very cool. You really feel like a special boss. The children are pointing and waving. You realise you really are participating in a special and unique experience which is impressing others. It’s about one of the smartest things i’ve ever done.
As you move about the huge tank you pass over the glass tunnel. Again people are walking through and waving. When one stands in a mall and looks into an aquarium the opportunity to actually swim inside would seem impossible and forbidden. Like one is entering a sacred space. Having the overwhelming feeling, ‘i can’t believe that’s allowed’. Like asking to play five a side football on Downing street.
Of course no aquarium or public space in the UK would permit such an activity, petty minded officialdom would never countenance it. Some health and safety by-law or objection that this reckless activity disturbs the fish. Piscine lives matter. The whole concept is at variance to the UK culture of tight fisted parochialism. Any activity which may bring joy to a pleb and requires effort to administer is recoiled at.
Here serf, look at these thousand year old ruins and overpay for a limp burger and coke. Dubai has to he more inventive since they don’t have Richard the 3rd in a car park in Leicester. They want people to come and be awed and impressed. They want to please their visitors and have designed unique and special experiences to draw hungry seekers of exciting experiences. The sneering British attitude is precisely the opposite, ‘why should we want to please the unwashed masses’.
Come and accept our Victorian offerings and be grateful, we won’t tart anything up for you!!
DESERT SAFARI
I booked with dubaitraveltourism.com and the while package cost £157.33. So i hit all the review pages before and these guys come out pretty good. One of their big selling points is they go to the Red Dune area. I read about some Desert experiences where people felt they were basically taken to a scrubby car park on the edge of the city. But no these guys are the real deal, you drive for a good hour deep into the desert.
The car came and picked me up at 2pm from my hotel. I was the only person in the car. I don’t believe this is common as they usually advertise you have to share transport to fill the car. I was communicating (moaning) with them about the timing of events and making sure i got the full time so i believe they shifted things around and subsequently i had a solo pick up. The vehicle was a new comfortable crossover.
I booked the VIP package which advertises VIP seating at the desert oasis.
VIP for an MVP? Or more money than brains? More about this later.
The base price for these desert excursions is around the £60-70 mark. My VIP ticket was about £20 on top and i booked a beach buggy experience which bumped up the rest.
Firstly i did the beach buggy drive. You go to a communal tourist meeting point where multiple tour groups are corralled together and festooned with hawkers flogging all the ‘authentic’ ethnic nik nacks. They also have scores of bikes and trucks and buggy’s etc. After a safety brief you head out into the desert following your guide on the track.
It’s so so much thrilling gritty fun. Be warned; you need goggles and a tight fitting hat and a face scarf which they don’t provide because the hot sand sprays into you like sand shot. I got by with Ray Ban’s.. My hat flew off my head.
The boy you follow went a good pace so you can let it rip at the long flat stretches. At times he feels too slow at corners and curves but my tour guide later explained that people have broken bones by tipping the buggy. Just the week before they had to take a girl to A&E and he was there until 3am. Still though, it didn’t stop me flooring it a couple of times and fully flying in the air and having all 4 wheels of the ground, much to the scolding of my chaperone - hee hee.
Half way through my race, i mean tour, my buggy broke down. It didn’t seem up to the manly thrashing from a coarse Scotsman. Or maybe they just don’t maintain them at all and recycle to the next tourist umpteen times a day. Case in point on that particular buggy the passenger door kept flying open. The latch was broken and they were using a bit of rope, which really didn’t work. My chaperone radioed in and within 10 minutes a new buggy arrived. My tour guide explained that people have gotten lost driving off the track and off into wide open desert, and they spend hours trying to find them. So i guess it’s fair to have a chaperone guard. As i was coming back to the pit i did a 360 spin much to the angry scolding of the staff. Get a grip!
After this my tour guide took us dune bashing in the crossover. This was the tame version of what i’d just done. So it didn’t quite hold the same thrill. But nonetheless it was fun. The jeep goes down at some onlique angles and you do wonder if it will tip, but the driver is an expert at this.
After this we drove a short distance to the desert camp. Right at the entrance you do the camel ride. This frankly is a joke. They sell this as some romantic Laurence of Arabia trek through the desert sunset. Erm no, it’s a small dusty paddock and you do one wander round for barely 5 minutes. It was a weird and unique experience and i’m still glad i did it but they definitely short change you on the camel ride.
But in retrospect they are a pretty uncomfortable creature so perhaps i was saved a saddle sore. Well done Abraham and Sarah for travelling several hundred miles on this bouncy bony lump.
The facilities at the camp are very nice. It’s clean and modern and well maintained.
Ok let me explain about the VIP seating. And this goes for many typical tourist experiences.
There are multiple tour groups from multiple companies all converging at this spot for the evening entertainment. You have all the seating arranged around the central platform. The seating is only about 15 deep, it’s not the Rose Bowl. So whichever seat you sit at is close to the stage. There is no need to purchase a VIP seat. Muggins paid to sit right next to the stage and it would’ve made no difference to have been 10 feet back, anyway.
We enjoyed the desert barbeque. It was a feast. There was an abundance to satiate. The chefs grill the lamb and chicken on skewers over barbecue hot coals. The buffet had roasted potatoes and vegetables and rice and couscous, you name it. I was quite impressed.
Next we had 2 shows. First was the whirling dervish. This is such an art form. He doesn’t just spin on the spot. He incorporates accessories and costume changes and swinging capes and lights, it was quite entertaining.
Next we had the fire dancer. I was extremely impressed. It’s mesmerising. It’s incredible. What skill. How long would one need to train to be this accomplished?
The whole show and meal lasts about two and half hours and definitely feels like you’ve had your moneys worth. I thoroughly recommend the Desert Safari experience.
I wanted to spend the next day by a beach bar and enjoy being served. I plumped for Koko Bay after wandering up and down West Palm beach and surveying the options, kokobay.co. The charge is 150 Dirham for the sunbed (£32) but all redeemable on food and drinks. I spent a most relaxing day drinking beers and cocktails and eating a Wagyu burger.
I spent about £60 and it was well worth it. The staff are very attentive and friendly. They must have about 40 sunbeds plus but there were literally only 3 people there, bliss! The music was at an enjoyable volume. It’s not the prettiest beach location ever but it’s cool to say you’ve been to the Palm beach.
Dubai is a most refreshing place, a playground with a tinge of the fantasy. It’s not dragged down by the lumber of centuries but enjoys the brash freshness of new offerings.
The overwhelming feeling that comes is that Dubai is very well run by the authorities. The ruling authorities are very enlightened. They have shown a remarkable open minded spirit to new ideas. The skyscrapers show great ingenuity with strange features and effects.
Looking over the city at night looks like a city from Tron. A futuristic fantasy.
Overall Dubai can be summed up as a can-do-attitude. Look what can be accomplished with a wise and benevolent absolute ruler. Wise and benevolent because the rulers of Dubai are clearly not in the mould of the stupid 3rd world dictators who just endlessly steal and leave the country in poverty and the only people who benefit are western banks where the cash is squirreled away.
They have very wisely tapped into world technological experience coupled with a willingness to continuously invest into the society. Innovation and design have been allowed to be set free. Of course the rulers are wealthy, extremely so, but not at the expense of the benefit to society.
‘Sheikh, we suggest to build a giant building like a picture frame - do it!
How about a an artificial island like a palm tree - sounds good!’
No doubt, obviously, much planning and costing goes into it but it seems the decision making is streamlined and efficient with their governance system!
The chances are taken, and look how it’s paid off.
On my return flight i had a 10 hour layover in Bahrain, don’t ask me why i booked my flights this way… inattention to detail perhaps. The airport was mobbed and even though they have reclining type seats there is so many chaotic large families making such a racket i couldn’t face an entire night without any peace in this public space.
So i went to the only airside hotel the Bahrain Airport Hotel, bahrainairporthotel.com.bh. You can pay for a room by the hour. Well room is stretching it, it’s a sleep pod. Like a generous coffin.
I booked 7 hours which came out at just shy of £60.
As i was exhausted i fell asleep and was unstressed by the claustrophobia. Yet some just couldn’t cope with this. The shower facilities were nice, maybe you could sleep there?
“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life”